tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
