Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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