I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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