I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
