then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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