A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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