I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
