Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
