alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
