I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
