So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
