Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
