She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
