You smell like a Billy Joel song
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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