when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
