you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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