You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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