youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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