He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
