He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
