dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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