she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
