I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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