When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
