My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
