i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
