im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
