using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
