He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
