New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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