I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
