dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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