You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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