TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Randomize
