if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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