That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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