yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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