I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
