Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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