Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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