I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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