Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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