Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck appropriateness.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
