No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Send help, water and tortillas.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
