Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
