are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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