he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
