This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
