I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
