so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
