god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
one might say we're banned from that church
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Houston, we have a squirter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
