so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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