I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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