i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
