he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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