Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
