walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
