ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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