Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
