talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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