i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
