I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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