Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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