I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I deserve this hangover.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
