If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize