Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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