Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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