Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
