It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
