...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
