break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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