Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This house was built for laser tag.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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