I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
