WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dear god my vagina.
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