5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
