I wish I could teleport
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
