I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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