Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
