I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
