You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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