Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
