Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
