before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
MIDGETS
????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
