how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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